I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize