who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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