how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
