My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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