I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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