Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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