Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
bring money and cleavage
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
