Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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