i just had sex bonerless
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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