I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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