Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
