Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
