My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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