apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
