she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
