I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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