I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
