This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
