i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
