and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
