Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
