That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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