she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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