ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
