dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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