ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize