I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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