sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
