I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sext me about skeletons
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
