handjob tips. give me some.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
