Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
