Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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