they need to just BURY HIM!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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