I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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