I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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