We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize