i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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