we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
