I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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