too bad you live with your parents still
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
