It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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