The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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