i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
