Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
