i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
