I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize