I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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