Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
