Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
