And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
