btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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