so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
