let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
