Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
