Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
