is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
