one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
