i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
