Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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