Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
