I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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