i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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