i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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