So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
