my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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