I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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