So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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