Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
