i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
