..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
