I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
