Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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