im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
