1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
