I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
