Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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