3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
