what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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