also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
