There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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