so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
