I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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