Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
