whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
