haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize