it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
