I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
