last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
