3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
