guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
