I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
