i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
