it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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