Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
