Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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