i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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