im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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