Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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