Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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