I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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