so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she peed on how many people?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
