Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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