i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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