I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
