There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
