In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
