My room smells like vodka and shame
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
