I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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