hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
